Separation
by Quintessa
Summary: Derek goes to D.C. to work with the president for the first time, how will his family cope?
1. Chapter 1

Derek's alarm went off at 4am. He shut it off quickly, hoping that he hadn't woken his wife. He had to be at the airport in two hours. Today was his first day in Washington D.C to work on the brain mapping project. Derek was so excited about this opportunity—but at the same time, he hated that he was about to get on a plane, and leave his beautiful wife alone with their two children for three nights. He knew Meredith also hated this, but she had given him her blessing. She knew this was a once in a lifetime opportunity, and she would likely want to do the same if the situation was reversed.

He pulled her close and gently kissed her forehead.

"Mm" She murmured.

"I'm sorry, I didn't mean to wake you"

"Is it time?"

"Yeah, its' just after 4. I have to get up soon"

"Derek? Promise me something?"

"Yeah?" He said, kissing her cheek.

She hesitated.

"What is it, Mer? You can tell me"

"Nothing…nothing. I just don't want you to leave"

"Me neither. I'll be back before you know it"

"Good. You're going to be late."

"I'm going. Go back to sleep. Are you sure there's nothing else?"

"I'm sure. Now go. I love you"

"I love you too. Everything will be fine" He said, kissing her once again before getting up to shower quickly.

Derek knew her well enough to know that she wasn't telling him something. But he also knew that she was stubborn. If she didn't want to say whatever it was, she wouldn't. But, if she was still awake when he got out of the shower, he'd ask her again. He didn't want to leave knowing she was holding something back.

Meredith chided herself for chickening out, not telling Derek what she wanted to say. She was scared, and embarrassed. She didn't want him to know she was feeling this way. But they were well past the time of keeping secrets from one another, and not communicating properly. They had grown a lot in the last few years, and Meredith couldn't be happier than she was with him and their babies.

She decided she wasn't going to listen to him, she wasn't going to go back to sleep. She wouldn't be able to anyway, she had never been able to sleep well when he wasn't with her. Ever. She had spent many nights without him since she'd met him. She never slept well. Meredith rolled out of bed, and went into the kitchen to make him some coffee. Then she went to check on Zola, and Bailey who were both sleeping soundly. It wouldn't be too long before one of them was up.

Meredith sat on the couch with her cup of coffee, as she heard the shower turn off. Soon after, he emerged from their room with his wet hair. She loved his hair all of the time, but she especially loved it when it was wet. Preferably, when they were both wet, in the shower. They hadn't had sex in the shower in weeks, since she had been withholding sex ever since he broke his promise. She made a mental note that when he got home, shower sex would be one of their top priorities.

"Hey. What are you doing out here"

"I made you some coffee"

He smiled at her. She was doing wifely things, and he couldn't get enough of it.

"You didn't have to do that" He said as he poured himself a cup, and went to sit beside her. "Thank you", and he kissed her.

"You're welcome". Meredith tapped her foot. She had to get this out, had to get it overwith. "I…okay, this is embarrassing…you're going on a plane….."

She stopped there, and looked at him with vulnerable eyes. Derek suddenly knew why she was acting like this.

"I'm scared too. But I'm going to be fine". This was the first time Derek would go on a plane, since the crash happened. Meredith had been on planes before, to retrieve organs. But Derek never had.

"Just….just call me before you get on, and call me when you get off. Please. Otherwise, I promise I'll go insane"

"I will. Of course I will"

"Okay". And they kissed again, savoring this moment together, before he left for three days.

Bailey began to cry, and Derek quickly went to him before he could wake his sister. He carried him into the living room.

'Hey buddy, daddy's going away for a few days. So, you and your sister are going to keep mommy company, okay? Can you be a good boy for mama?"

Bailey just stared at his daddy. Clearly, Derek's blue eyes weren't just mesmerizing to Meredith.

"That's my guy" He said, handing him to his wife.

Derek called the cab, and spent the next 20 minutes with Meredith as she fed Bailey. She still breastfed him when she could, although now that he was old enough to eat solid food, and he spent a lot of time in daycare, she was only breastfeeding him once or twice a day now. Mostly at night, as it comforted the baby.

When the cab arrived, Derek kissed his wife and their baby goodbye and headed out the door. He'd kissed Zola goodbye this morning, and last night. Several times actually. She'd been upset that he was leaving, but he promised he'd bring her a present when he came home.

Not long after Derek left, Bailey began to fuss. Meredith held him close, thinking how she wanted to fuss too.

"You know something's going on, don't you buddy? You're my smart little man. Don't you worry, daddy will be home soon". Meredith rocked him as he cried, and it wasn't long before she heard Zola.

"Mama! Mama!"

Meredith sighed. It was 4:30 in the morning. It was too early to be awake, too early for Zola to be awake.

Meredith went to Zola, Bailey still crying in her arms. "Hi ZoZo"

"Bailey's loud mama" she said quietly, clearly exhausted

"Yeah, he's not very happy right now Lovebug. Can you give him a kiss? Maybe that will help"

Zola sweetly kissed her baby brother on the head and patted his belly.

"Quiet, Bailey. It's nighttime"

Meredith smiled at this exchange, and she was sorry Derek was missing it. Zola had taken her role as a big sister in stride. Much to her relief, Bailey quieted down.

"Zola, do you want to come sleep in mommy and daddy's bed till morning? Daddy had to go a little while ago"

"Yay!"

"We are going to sleep Zo, okay? Remember, we sleep when it's dark out" Meredith knew Zola would one day question this rule, since her parents were often on-call at night and left the house at all hours.

Meredith took both her children into her and Derek's room, and pulled Bailey's bassinet out of the closet. He had slept beside their bed until he was sleeping through the night.

Out of some sort of miracle, both Zola and Bailey fell asleep quickly, and they were all able to get a couple more hours of sleep, all snuggled together.


	2. Chapter 2

**First of all, I'm sure many of you received a notification (or two) yesterday that I'd updated this story, and found nothing. This is my first story, and I was unsuccessfully trying to post this chapter…..thank you to CileSuns92 for helping me out!**

**Thanks for all the reviews, favourites and follows!**

**Now that I know what I'm doing, hopefully the wait between chapters won't be as long this time. Also, I had planned on this story having 3 chapters, but now I think there will be 4, just so you know.**

**Also, the way I have surgeons being paged later on in this chapter is likely inaccurate, as I don't know how that is done in real life. But I think this method works for this story.**

**Enjoy!**

Meredith awoke to someone tickling her face. Zola was giggling, clearly enjoying the rare treat of sleeping in her mommy and daddy's bed. Meredith glanced at the clock, and noticed that Derek's flight was supposed to leave in 15 minutes. He should have boarded by now. She grabbed her phone, and there hadn't been any calls. She wasn't worried—she would be worried if he delayed calling her when the plane landed. She'd make sure he was alive, and then kill him dead if he did that. But she couldn't help wondering why he hadn't called, he had promised. He may have broken his promise that he'd work less to spend time with the kids, but this wasn't a promise he would break. She was sure of it.

Instead of staring at her phone willing it to ring, she diverted her attention to Zola and Bailey, who were wide awake and wanting food.

She had showered the night before, so that she wouldn't have to leave her children unattended this morning. Although, she knew she would have to do that the next few days. Meredith got breakfast ready for Zola, and Bailey, anxiously checking her phone and making sure the volume was on.

Finally, it rang.

"Derek?"

"Hey, sorry it took me so long to call you. This place is so busy, I just got to my gate. I don't know where everyone is going at this hour"

"Are you boarding soon?"

"Yeah, they just called the first group, so I'll be on in a few minutes."

"Alright. Thanks for calling, even though you're in a rush"

"I promised didn't I?"

Meredith smiled. He was so charming, even over the phone. "Do you have a second to say bye to Zo?"

"Oh, I always have a second for Zo"

Meredith held the phone by Zola's ear.

"Zola, say hi to your daddy, he's on his way to the see the president!"

Zola was always so excited to talk to her parents on the phone. "Hi daddy! Bailey and me are havin' breffast!"

"You are, are you? Is it yummy?"

"Yeah!" Zola said, quite exuberantly.

"I'll talk to you tonight, okay Zo? I love you"

"Lub you too daddy"

Meredith and Derek had decided not to tell Zola that Derek was going on a plane. They weren't sure how much she recalled from the plane crash one year earlier, but they knew she did remember it. After all, her parents were missing for days. She had been terrified, so understandably, she would have memories. Derek and Meredith knew that Zola had been looked after by everyone that hadn't been on the plane, mainly Dr. Bailey and Richard. They felt that Zola likely heard the word "plane" quite a bit during that week, and their little girl was brilliant. Derek and Meredith strongly felt that she might associate the word "plane" with her mommy and daddy disappearing. After the crash, they had explained that something happened, and mommy and daddy took a while to come back, and they had made sure Zola knew they would never leave her on purpose.

Understandably, after the plane crash, Zola had been much more clingy and cried more often than she had before. For weeks, Meredith and Derek had made sure one of them visited her in daycare every few hours. But Zola adjusted quite well, considering the long separation. She didn't seem to have any long-term effects.

But Meredith and Derek did not want her to deal with the fear that Derek's plane would crash. She was way too young to worry about something like that.

The worrying was left to Zola's mommy.

"So, you'll call me when you land?"

"Of course"

"How long is your flight?"

"5hrs and 20 minutes. So, I'll call you around 2:30. But planes get delayed all the time okay? It might a little while after that" Derek had gone over the flight time and his entire itinerary with her the night before. In fact, it was on the counter right in front of her as he was talking to her. But he knew she needed to hear it from him.

"Okay" She didn't want to be the one to end the conversation. Her heart was starting to pound in her chest, she wanted to somehow stop him from getting on that plane. But also, she didn't want Zola or Bailey to worry, so she turned away from them as she composed herself.

"I will be fine, Mer. I'll call you sometime between 2:20 and 3, depending when we land. My flight number is on the itinerary sheet. You can check online and see if my plane is delayed or not. I don't want you to worry"

"Well, I worry. Deal with it"

Derek smiled. He loved when she told him to "deal with it".

"I love you, Mer"

"I love you too. I'll talk to you in 5 ½ hours"

"That's my girl. Bye"

"Bye"

Normally, a person would end this conversation with "have a safe flight". But Meredith didn't feel that was appropriate for this conversation. If he didn't have a safe flight, she would be a wreck in a million little pieces, but telling him to have a safe flight wouldn't help at all. Plus, she'd heard "have a safe flight" right after getting on the plane to go to Boise.

"Daddy gone?" Zola asked, putting her last bite of cheerios in her mouth.

"Yeah, lovebug. He's on his way. He'll talk to us when he gets there. Are you all done?"

"Yes mama"

"Okay, let's get you and your brother ready to go"

Meredith had gotten the kids ready on her own a few times before, when Derek was on call, or had to go in early. But more often than not, he was doing it by himself. She hadn't gotten the routine of getting two small children out the door yet. But, Zola was very helpful. She was so proud of how Zola was maturing.

After dropping the kids off at daycare (tear free), Meredith went about her day. She tried to keep herself busy, because if she let herself think too much about where Derek was right now, she wasn't sure how well she would be able to do her job. She already checked her phone obsessively, trying to will the clock forwards.

She had lunch with Zola and Bailey at daycare, which was a perfect distraction. Her children made every day better.

It was 2:10pm. Meredith had checked online (more times than she would admit), and Derek's plane was on track. It was supposed to land in 10 minutes. She had gotten a couple of pages for surgeries in the last few minutes, but she wasn't first on call, so she would only have to take them if the first surgeon wasn't available. Normally, she would have jumped on the surgeries, before the first on-call surgeon had a chance to respond. But right now, she knew she would not have her complete focus on her patient. Her mind would be with Derek, in that plane, and watching her phone until it rang. She could not be a surgeon right now.

At 2:35, the phone finally rang. Meredith felt as though she'd been staring at the phone for hours and hours.

"Hello?" She answered on the first ring.

"Hi. I'm here. Everything's fine"

She let out a breath she didn't know she'd been holding "Thank goodness"

"I told you so"

"Hmm…you did. How was the flight?"

"It was good. I'm glad it's over" He'd been scared too. She knew he was scared, he just wasn't as quick to talk about it.

"Me too"

"How's your day going?"

"Alright. Much better now. Everyone probably thinks I'm really absent minded, since I've been worrying about you"

"Well that's another reason I'm glad the flight is over. I don't like when you worry"

"You get on a plane, and I guarantee I will worry.

"How were the kids this morning?"

"Good, Zola's very helpful. She's such a big girl"

"She is. I may have told her she had to be a big help to you, or else I wouldn't bring home a present for her"

"Derek!"

"What? It's working isn't it?"

"I…you're just…such a guy"

"I thought you liked that about me"

"Oh I do…" Meredith's pager went off again. The first surgeon on call was unavailable, they were paging her now. "Derek, I just got paged for a surgery. The other surgeon got called away. I'll talk to you tonight?"

"Yeah, text me when you get home. We'll face time"

"Great. I love you. Have fun exploring D.C."

"Oh I'll be having a nap now, exploring can wait. I love you too"

"Bye"

"Bye"

Meredith was thanking her lucky stars that she had been pulled into surgery after Derek's call. She was happy now, that Derek was fine, her kids were happy, and she was heading into a surgery. Everything seemed brighter.

Meredith had no idea what was awaiting her when she went home that night.


	3. Chapter 3

**Alright, so this may be short, but I wanted to get something on here. Exams are stealing all of my time! This is the first half of the chapter 3 I had in mind. I hope to have the second half up soon. Enjoy, and thank you for reading!**

After a long day, Meredith drove up to their house with her two children in the back seat. They were all tired. The daycare worker had told Meredith that Zola had refused to nap that day. At first, Meredith felt a little irritated, but quickly stopped herself. Zola was three years old, and had a very strong will. If Zola didn't want to do something, it could be very difficult to make her do it. So, instead of expressing her irritation, she thanked the daycare worker for letting her know. Meredith knew that she might be dealing with a very cranky little girl once they got home.

As they entered the house, it felt a little different for some reason. Meredith wasn't sure why, she had arrived home while Derek was at work plenty of times. But this time, things were different. It seemed quiet. Meredith was reminded that she would come home to this for a few more days. She didn't like that thought.

"Mama, I want dinner!"

"Zola, sweetie, remember you need to ask nicely when you want something"

"Oh…mama, can we have dinner please?"

"Yes, thank you for asking nicely Zo. Do you want to help?"

"Yay!"

Meredith had been told that Bailey had eaten just before she picked up the kids from daycare, so he was sleeping soundly now. She and Derek usually liked to feed him when they got home, and then he'd go to bed for the night. But, Bailey had started crying at daycare, and so he had been fed earlier than usual. This didn't upset Meredith at all, of course she wanted her son to be fed when he was hungry. Her first instinct would be to wake him, so that he'd sleep well tonight. But she had read a lot of parenting books, and knew that waking a sleeping baby was not a good idea. The best thing she could do now was to put him in his crib, and hope that he had a long, good sleep.

As Meredith carried Bailey to his room, she felt a twinge of sadness because he was asleep already. She had missed him all day, except for the lunch time visit. But, he was content and asleep right now. All Meredith wanted was her babies to be content and happy. She kissed his forehead and told him she loved him. He looked just like Derek when he slept.

As Meredith returned to the kitchen, she found Zola getting out pots and pans, with a huge grin on her face.

"Mama, we're cooking!"

"Look, what a big help you are!"

"I help!"

Meredith smiled, even though Derek had bribed her, she found so much joy in helping. Meredith wondered how long this would last.

"Let's see what daddy made for us tonight, okay Zo?"

"But…daddy not here mama"

"That's right, but he made sure we had enough food. He's a pretty great daddy isn't he?"

"Yup!"

"Do you want to have some pasta, or soup?"

"Pasta!"

"Alright, it looks like daddy made us some sauce. We're going to make the noodles"

Meredith wasn't the best cook around-okay, she wasn't a cook at all. But, Derek had showed her some basic things. One of which included pasta noodles.

She knew you had to boil the water, and then put the pasta in, and wait for eight to ten minutes, depending on what the package says. But, she wanted Zola to be able to help, and she was not comfortable with Zola being near boiling water.

Meredith used her iPad to see if it was possible to boil the water with the pasta already inside, so that Zola could help. She found that her idea would work, much to Zola's delight.

"Okay Zo, can you bring me one of those pots please?"

"Here mama!"

"Okay, now you're going to help me by pouring the pasta into the pot"

Meredith lifted Zola onto the counter and she eagerly picked up the box of pasta to start pouring it.

Zola's excitement got the best of her. She turned the box completely upside down, resulting in uncooked pasta all over the counter, all over the floor, and in the pot. That was all it took. The crocodile tears started.

Meredith's phone began to ring, but she decided to leave it. It was probably Derek, and he would understand. She'd call him back once Zola calmed down.

Then came the cries from the other side of the house.

Meredith loved the high stress environment at work. Running from patient to patient, alarms going off, running on adrenaline. She thrived on it, she'd worked in that environment for years.

But even with those years as a surgeon, she was not prepared for this. Not at all.


	4. Chapter 4

Meredith picked up her crying daughter, and quickly carried her to Bailey's room.

"Zo, everything is okay. I'm not mad, it was just a little accident"

Meredith's words went unheard as Zola continued to cry. Meredith just held her close, hoping she would calm down soon.

Upon entering Bailey's room, Meredith placed Zola in the rocking chair, and picked up her crying son. Meredith had suspected he'd been startled by Zola's cries, but he seemed to be very upset. She felt the baby's forehead, and he felt warm. Too warm. No wonder he was so upset. She also remembered that Bailey had also been fussy that morning, and had fallen asleep earlier than usual.

Bailey continued to scream as Meredith's "doctor alarms" started going off.

She needed to take the baby into the bathroom, that's where the thermometer was kept. Meredith didn't want to leave either one of her crying children alone, so with Bailey close to her chest, she knelt down beside Zola, who was looking at the floor with tears streaming down her face.

"Zo, baby look at me. Look at mommy"

Zola looked up, reluctantly.

"I'm not mad at you. Nobody is mad at you, okay? Let's go to the bathroom with Bailey, and we can talk some more. Take my hand"

Still sniffling, Zola took Meredith's hand and all three of them made their way to the bathroom.

Meredith retrieved the baby thermometer, and then took the kids to the living room, where she took Bailey's temperature.

His temperature was elevated, definitely a fever. It wasn't high enough to for Meredith to want to rush him to the hospital, but it also wasn't low enough for her to call it "low grade" either. Babies sometimes got low grade fevers when they were teething, even though Meredith's medical knowledge told her that was just a coincidence. She had seen it firsthand with Zola more than once.

Bailey had calmed down slightly, but only when Meredith was holding him. Zola was still quietly crying, and Meredith wanted to talk to her, to make sure she knew that she wasn't in trouble, and that everything was alright. She was sure that, if Bailey hadn't been screaming, Zola would have calmed down by now. Zola didn't like hearing her baby brother cry any more than her parents did.

Meredith grabbed her phone, to see two missed calls and a couple texts from Derek, asking if everything was okay, and to call him when she got the chance. She had to talk to him, she didn't know what to do about Bailey's fever. In that moment, it didn't matter that she was a doctor. She was a mom, who didn't want to make decisions about her children without her husband's opinion.

"Zo, I'm going to call daddy, okay? You can talk to him"

"Okay". Normally Zola would have been excited about talking to Derek on the phone. Meredith was getting a bit worried, but hoped Derek would cheer her up. She dialed his number and he picked up on the first ring.

"Mer?"

"Hey"

"Hey, is everything alright? You weren't answering, I was getting worried"

"I'm sorry, we had a bit of a double meltdown starting when you called the first time"

"Oh no, are they okay now? Bailey's still crying isn't he?"

"He is, but he's much better than he was a few minutes ago. Zola and I had a bit of a mishap in the kitchen"

This sparked Zola's attention

"NO! Mama no tell daddy that!"

Zola slid off the couch in tears, running to her room

Derek felt extremely guilty that he wasn't at home to help with everything that seemed to be going on.

"What was that about?"

"I don't know, I need to go talk to her. I haven't had a chance yet. Derek, Bailey has a fever of 101, he won't stop crying, he was pretty tired tonight, he was fussy this morning…I don't…what I do?"

Meredith heard noises from Zola's room, it sounded like she was hitting things. She let out an exasperated sigh.

"Zola's having a tantrum. I gotta go. I'm going to leave the phone on, can you keep talking to Bailey? He likes your voice"

"I….yeah, of course, of course"

"Okay, I'll be back in a few minutes"

Meredith put Bailey in his bassinet in the living room, placing her cell phone near him, turning the volume up so that he could hear Derek.

As she walked away, she could hear Derek starting to sing to Bailey. He loved the "Itsy Bitsy Spider" just as much as Zola had.

Meredith entered Zola's room, and found her sulking on her bed. She knelt down in front of her, but Zola wouldn't look her in the eye.

"ZoZo, it's just you and me. Can we talk about what's making you sad?"

Zola choked out another sob, and Meredith sat on the bed and pulled her into her lap, rocking her back and forth.

"Sssshh, everything is alright Lovebug. I've got you, I've got you"

After a few minutes of rocking, Zola stopped crying, except for a few escape tears.

"I made a mess"

"Messes happen sometimes, Zo. You didn't mean to do it. You're still my best helper"

"Daddy told me to help"

Meredith realized what was causing all of this, partly anyway. Zola felt she'd let Derek down. Meredith made a note to herself to have a word with Derek about this bribing thing later.

"Daddy knows that messes happen too, sweet girl. He makes messes too, you know"

"He does?" Zola's eyes lit up

"Of course, and I make messes. We know Bailey makes messes, right? Everybody makes messes"

Zola and Meredith laughed together, but something still seemed to be bothering the little girl.

"Mama?"

"Yes, baby?"

"What if daddy doesn't come back for a while, like before?"

Meredith was sure her heart stopped for a second. She had to catch her breath, and suppress the tears that were threatening to fall.

"Before?" This was all Meredith could get out.

"Yeah, sometimes you and daddy go away. Or I go away, and I don't know where anyone is"

Meredith struggled to get any words out.

She heard Bailey's loud cry from the living room.

Meredith squeezed Zola a little tighter

"Mommy and daddy are never going to leave you, Zo. Never. Let's go check on your brother, and then we can talk some more okay?"

"Okay, mama"

Meredith had the skills to suppress her emotions, and carry on as if things were normal. She'd been living like that her entire life, until Derek turned her world upside down—in the best way possible. She wanted to hide in her bedroom and cry, she wanted Derek to be here, so that he could help her and Zola. She wanted to take away Zola's memories of being left alone—and she had far too many of those memories and experiences. But in that moment, her little boy was crying and he wasn't feeling well. So, exploring Zola's feelings would have to wait for a while. She had to suppress everything she felt like doing, and take care of her children.

As Meredith and Zola entered the living room, they found Bailey screaming in his bassinet, and he'd knocked Meredith's phone to the floor.

Meredith picked up her baby boy, trying her best to soothe him. She put Bailey back down briefly, to pick up the phone, and Derek had been disconnected. It had probably happened when the phone fell to the floor.

Picking Bailey up again, Meredith went to retrieve her iPad, so they could FaceTime Derek. FaceTime would be much easier, they could talk without her having to hold the phone to her ear, and they would be able to see each other.

She quickly texted Derek, telling him to call on FaceTime.

More than anything, she wanted him to be here. She was exhausted and hungry. Zola hadn't had a nap today, she was upset and hungry. Bailey was sick, and wouldn't stop crying. And there was a mess all over the kitchen floor, but that wasn't part of Meredith's worries. She wondered how single mothers coped with this. She was having enough trouble, and she'd only been home alone with her kids for an hour. Single moms did this all day, every day. That thought brought Meredith another feeling of anxiety; that if she was a better mother, she'd be able to keep her children happy. She'd be able to tend to both their needs at the same time.

She quickly dispelled that thought, knowing it was irrational. She also knew that she was already feeling emotional enough, she didn't have time to feel like a bad mom right now.

When she answered Derek's FaceTime call, she was relieved to see his face. Even though he was on the other side of the country, the sight of him calmed her down a little.

He immediately noticed that something was up, just by looking into his wife's eyes. He could read her like a book, something that Meredith loved, even if it annoyed her sometimes. She could never hide what she was feeling from him. She didn't want to tell him about what Zola had said right now. She was worried Zola would notice that it was making her sad. She did not want Zola to think she was somehow "bad", or anything like that.

Meredith would tell Derek later tonight, when her babies would not see the tears.

"Hey. Sorry, there was a loud noise and the phone went dead. Is Zola alright?"

"Yeah, I think Bailey knocked the phone to the floor". Meredith moved the iPad so that Derek could see Zola.

"Hi daddy! I good now!"

"I see that, baby girl. You look like you've grown in one day!"

"I did daddy! I made a mess, but mama says you make messes too. So I'm still a helper!"

Derek chucked, and also clued into the fact that Zola may have been upset about the mess because he told her to help. He now understood why Meredith hadn't liked the idea of bribing their little girl.

"That's right Zo, we all make messes. You were trying to help mama, that's the best thing of all. I'm proud of you"

"You pwoud of me?"

"That's right, ZoZo"

Zola seemed enchanted that her daddy was proud. She was such a daddy's girl.

Bailey began to cry louder, shifting Derek's attention back to his wife.

"Is he still warm, Mer?"

"Yeah….he might be warmer than before. I'll check again"

As Meredith was taking Bailey's temperature again, she ran through possible scenarios in her head.

"Derek, what if he's really sick? Zola never had a fever this high before, at least not since we brought her home"

"Let's just wait, and see what the thermometer says"

The thermometer beeped a few seconds later

"It's the same, still 101"

"Okay, that's good that it hasn't gone up. Did you give him some Tylenol?"

"No, I'll do that right now. What do you think is wrong with him?"

"It's probably a virus, but we'll keep watching him"

"Derek…I don't…should I take him in to the hospital? Call Arizona?"

"Meredith, slow down. We're doctors. Bailey is going to be just fine. His fever should go down with Tylenol, and someone can see him tomorrow"

"What if it doesn't?"

"We'll cross that bridge when we get to it. Just breathe."

"Okay…okay, I'll get the Tylenol. Can you entertain them for a few minutes? Bailey, no more knocking daddy to the floor, okay?"

Meredith placed some pillows around the baby, so that he wouldn't fall off the couch, telling Zola to watch him and talk to daddy.

"Mama?"

"What is it, Zo?"

"Can we please have dinner?"

Meredith smiled at the fact Zola had asked so nicely. She was sure that Zola must be starving by now. She'd been hungry when they walked in the door.

"Yes, of course we can, Zo. I'll start it right now"

Meredith started to cook the pasta, and then got the baby Tylenol out of the medicine cabinet.

Giving Tylenol to a squirming, crying baby proved to be a difficult task. Bailey was younger now than Zola had been when she came home, and it had been much easier to give her medicine.

After some struggling, Bailey swallowed most of the medicine. His face clearly indicated that he did not approve of having something that tasted gross forced into his mouth. He started to cry again, and it was a different cry. Meredith recognized it—he was hungry. She needed to feed him. Feeding him would also help get the taste of the Tylenol out of his mouth.

But, there was boiling water on the stove, and, Bailey sometimes ate for long periods at a time. Meredith knew that he would likely need the comfort from breastfeeding, since he wasn't feeling well. She had to quickly finish dinner first. That way, Bailey could eat without being interrupted.

"Derek, he's hungry. But I have to finish dinner for Zola, and then I can feed him. I don't know how single parents do this."

"Mer, I'm so sorry I'm not there. What can I do from here?"

"It's not your fault Bailey's fever decided to come today. You probably need to sleep, it's late there. Don't you have to get up early?"

"That's not important. My family is what's important. You get dinner, I'll entertain the kids"

He used his McDreamy look on her, and she couldn't help smiling.

"Thank you. I'll be right back"

**Sorry for the abrupt ending. A lot happens in this chapter, so I thought it would be better to publish this now instead of having you wait a few more days. **

**This story seems to have a mind of its own, it's already much longer than I was anticipating. There are still a few more chapters to go. **

**Happy Easter!**


	5. Chapter 5

**Hey everyone! Don't worry, I haven't abandoned this story! Sorry it has taken so long to get this up. Real life gets in the way sometimes, but I won't leave you hanging for that long again. **

**As always, thank you to everyone who continues to read this story **

Meredith finished making dinner, while she listened to Derek making funny noises, and likely faces, at the kids to keep them entertained. Bailey even managed a giggle, even though he was hungry and feeling sick.

As soon as Zola had eaten her dinner, she fell asleep on the couch. Meredith felt a strange sense of relief since she had been worried about the question Zola had asked earlier. She didn't want Zola to think her question was being ignored, but at the same time Meredith really didn't want to have this discussion without Derek. She desperately wished she could just erase all of the pain from Zola's memories.

Once Zola was tucked in bed, Meredith returned to the living room to find Derek making clown faces at their son, who was in his playpen. After her stressful day, Meredith couldn't help but burst into laughter at the sight. There was her husband making faces, and her son pointing at the iPad, trying to figure out what was going on.

"This stays between you and me, Meredith" Derek said, as his wife picked up the iPad and the baby and headed toward the couch.

"Oh, don't forget about this little guy here. He could probably tell everyone tomorrow, if he wanted to. He's quite the genius"

"Well, we know where he gets that from" Derek said with a smirk.

"Do we now?" Meredith got Bailey situated to breastfeed, and he started to eat. "There you go, baby, that's better isn't it?"

"Oh yes, I definitely know where the genius genes came from"

"Maybe the genius should be the one juggling the dinner, fever and tantrums then." Meredith instantly regretted snapping at him. It wasn't his fault that she had had such a rough night. But, she needed to take it out on someone. Even just a little bit.

Derek's face fell, the conversation had taken quite a turn.

"I was just kidding, Mer. You know that"

"I know…I'm sorry. I'm sorry, I didn't mean that. This is just a lot harder than I thought it would be"

Derek smiled, sympathetically. They both hated the situation they were in, but the only thing they could do was get through it. "I know. I'm sorry. Not all of your nights will be like this one"

"Do you promise?"

"Ummm…no, but I really, really think so" Derek knew that saying the word "promise" was dangerous—especially in this situation. He had no idea how the kids would be for the next three nights. If he promised, and things didn't improve, Meredith would not be happy.

Meredith laughed upon hearing this. He was careful to promise things to her, and this was definitely something that could not be promised. "I hope so too".

"So, what did you and Zo have for dinner?"

"Pasta, with the sauce you made. She wanted to help, so instead of boiling the water first, I was going to let her put the noodles in and then boil.."

"Wait….you did what?"

"I was going to put the pasta in and then boil the water"

Meredith could tell that Derek was holding in laughter. She wasn't sure what was so funny. She couldn't tell if he was making fun or her or not.

"What on earth is so funny?"

"Meredith…just don't tell anyone from Italy. They would probably murder us"

"What? Why?"

"That's not the way to make pasta"

Derek could tell that this joke was not going over very well. His wife was exhausted and had dealt with two upset children for most of the evening, without much help. And here he was making fun of her. He knew he had to start talking, fast, before she started ranting at him.

"I know, I know, you were letting Zola help you. It's a great idea, that way she can help and you still get pasta." Part of Derek wanted to ask how it had turned out, but he knew he was already in over his head.

Normally, Derek's comment would not have bothered Meredith. She would have laughed too, they often joked together about her limitations in the kitchen. But tonight, she felt like a terrible mother who couldn't do anything right. And he was not helping. She wanted to start ranting to him about how he should not be making fun of her when she was home by herself, but she decided to direct her emotions toward what had happened with Zola.

"Well, my idea was bad in more ways than one then. Zola accidentally poured the entire box of pasta into the pot, and it went everywhere once the pot was full. It's still all over the floor actually, I'm too tired to clean it up."

"Oh no, so that's how the tantrum started?"

"Yep." Meredith suppressed the urge to add a comment about Derek's bribing upsetting Zola. "But, that's not the end of it"

At that moment, Bailey finished eating. He hadn't eaten much, but since he wasn't feeling well, it was normal. When Bailey did not start crying, Meredith was relieved. At least she had done something right tonight. Meredith decided to keep the baby in her arms instead of taking him to his crib. She needed someone to snuggle because this conversation with Derek was going to be hard. Very hard. Part of her didn't want to tell him what Zola had said until he got home. But, he needed to know and quite frankly, she needed him to know. She couldn't deal with this by herself.

With tears rolling down her cheeks, Meredith began to explain her conversation with Zola to her husband.

Once Meredith had gotten all of Zola's words out, she brought her knees to her chest, snuggled Bailey further into her body, and cried. Derek was crying too. Neither of them knew what to say. It was too heartbreaking, to think that Zola remembered being away from them, multiple times. They had hoped her only memory would be the plane crash.

Derek felt like his heart had been torn. In this moment, he hated his new job. He hated that he was not there to hold Meredith in his arms, to tell her everything would be alright. He hated that she had to deal with this situation with Zola and a sick baby, by herself. There was very little he could do from D.C., but he did his best to comfort her with his words.

"Hey, it's all going to be fine. It is. This is one bad day."

"Derek, she remembers. She probably remembers all of it." Meredith was still crying, she had held too many emotions in during the day. They were all coming out now.

"I hate it too. But-listen, look at me okay?"

When Meredith looked up, he continued

"She is happy. Zola is happy, and we love her more than anything in the world. She knows that. When I come home, we'll sit down with her and talk this out. Okay?"

"Okay." If Meredith had the energy, she would have told Derek all of the ways it probably would not be okay. But she had no energy left, not tonight.

"How is Bailey? Is he still warm? He's asleep, so he must be feeling better"

"Yeah, he doesn't feel as warm as he did. I'll check the thermometer"

Bailey's temperature had indeed gone back to normal. A small victory in an evening that seemed like endless failures.

Derek insisted that Meredith get some sleep, now that Bailey seemed to be doing much better. Meredith knew that Derek was going to get very little sleep, because of the time difference. It was past midnight for him. But she knew that he didn't care about that.

After saying goodnight to her husband, Meredith brought Bailey into her bedroom and placed him in the bassinet. His Tylenol would wear off after four hours, and Meredith wanted him to be close to her. She set alarm to go off in the middle of the night so that she could give Bailey some more Tylenol before he started to feel sick again.

As she lay in her bed, Meredith thought about her precious little girl, and everything she had been through in life.

Zola had been through a lot in her three short years. At two months old, someone had dropped her off at the orphanage in Malawi, only for them to take care of the baby. No other words were spoken, though the orphanage workers suspected that Zola's parents had passed away, or were otherwise unable to take care of a baby.

Meredith and Derek had been told that the baby had cried continuously at the orphanage, clearly needing her mommy and daddy and unable to understand where she was. She only stopped crying when she was placed in the arms of her new daddy, at the age of six months. She had gone through three surgeries in her initial hospital stay, and then taken to an unfamiliar place, with someone she barely knew. Zola had not stopped crying that first night at home. Meredith had felt shattered that night—Derek had left her, he thought she was a bad mother, and here she was with their newly adopted daughter, and she could not get her to stop crying. Meredith had never felt like a worse mother than she did that night. Zola was scared, and nothing she did seemed to help.

When Zola finally began to get comfortable and trust her new family, she was taken away again, to her third "home" over the course of just one month. She was scared, she did not trust these new people. She just wanted her mommy and daddy.

To top off that difficult time, Zola's shunt malfunctioned, causing a bowel obstruction and seizures. She'd had another surgery, back in a strange place with people she didn't know. Her only comfort was her Auntie Cristina, and the voices of the two people who loved her more than anything—over the phone.

When she was finally returned home to her overjoyed parents, Zola had clung to one of her parents for an entire week before she could be separated from them without screaming. Meredith and Derek knew how important a secure attachment was for babies, and they knew that was something Zola had lacked, and something she, like all babies, craved. They gave her all the security and comfort they could, hoping they could make up for the months of insecurity their daughter had gone through.

While she and Derek were in the woods following the plane crash, of course Meredith was scared for her little girl. She knew she would be scared, as would any two year old, separated from her family. But she was also especially worried because Zola had been separated from the people who loved her and cared for her so many times in her short life. Meredith was scared that Zola would fear she'd been abandoned again-like she was when her biological parents died, like she was when the orphanage workers left the hospital without her, like she was when she was taken away to a foster home.

When they returned from the woods, Meredith and Derek had consulted child psychology specialists to make sure they did everything right to help Zola deal with what had happened. And it had gone well, Zola had adjusted quite well, all things considered.

Or so they thought.

Meredith checked the clock and saw that she'd been lying in bed for an hour. Soon, it would be time to give Bailey more Tylenol. She tried to bring Derek's words to the front of her mind, to help ease her worrying. She had to sleep tonight. Taking care of two small children alone was hard enough without sleep deprivation.

"_She's happy. She knows we love her. Everything will be alright"_


	6. Chapter 6

Meredith finally fell asleep, which was a miracle in itself. With Derek gone, worry over Bailey's fever and Zola, she was not expecting to fall asleep.

She woke up to her alarm clock, signalling that it was time to give Bailey more medicine. Looking at the bassinet, Bailey was already awake, staring at his mommy. He was probably minutes away from crying.

"Did you let mommy sleep a little longer, buddy? You're such a sweetie. Now let's check your temperature again okay?"

Bailey's temperature had risen again. It was 101, just like before the Tylenol. Meredith tried to remind herself that this was a good thing—he wasn't getting worse. But she had been hoping the fever wouldn't come back at all.

All of the sudden, Bailey began to cry loudly and his hand went toward his ear.

Meredith finally had a clue, a possible reason for her unhappy boy. He could have an ear infection.

"Are your ears hurting? Poor guy. That's no fun. Mama will give you some more medicine so you can sleep"

She held Bailey close to her chest and rocked him, hoping he would quiet down. She had left the Tylenol in the kitchen, and if she took him out of the room while he was screaming, Zola would surely wake up.

Bailey's cries became quieter. He loved having his back rubbed. Not loosening her hold on him, Meredith quickly went to the kitchen to get the Tylenol, and then took Bailey back into her bedroom.

"Okay, you drink this up. It'll help a lot. In the morning, we'll go see Dr. Patterson. We'll get you feeling better."

Meredith suspected Bailey had an ear infection because of his fever and he had pulled on his ear. But, it could be any number of things. She knew that a fever of 101 was not a normal baby thing. He had to see his pediatrician as soon as he could. She partly felt that she should just handle this on her own—but she was a general surgeon. Not a pediatrician. Besides, doctor or not, she needed to hear someone else tell her Bailey would be fine. Her mind was jumping to terrible possibilities. Zola and Bailey's pediatrician was used to Derek and Meredith's concerns.

After giving him the Tylenol, Meredith fed Bailey again. He didn't usually eat at this time-usually he slept through the night. But if he wanted to nurse, he could. Meredith was sure it was comfort more than anything.

As Bailey nursed, Meredith began to think about the day that would begin in a few hours. She would call the pediatrician, and they would hopefully be able to see Bailey that day. If not, she would get one of her friends to take a look at him. If he did have an infection, he needed to get antibiotics soon. She had two surgeries scheduled and was supposed to be available for consults all day, which was a light schedule.

But Bailey had a fever, so he could not go to daycare. Plus, she didn't want to be away from him when he was sick. She remembered when Zola was sick and she was willing to skip her boards to stay with her.

She decided to call the hospital in the morning and take the day off. This was something she hardly ever did. Usually, if one of the kids was sick she and Derek would take turns looking after them. Or sometimes, in emergencies, they would find someone else for childcare. But Meredith knew that her two surgeries tomorrow were non-emergent. They could be pushed, or they could be done by another surgeon. She wasn't on call. She silently thanked Bailey for choosing this day to be sick.

Meredith felt slightly guilty, remembering the last time Derek had gone out of town. Zola had had a fever, and Meredith had needed several coworkers to watch her while she worked. But, that was different. Zola had spent the night with Callie. Meredith had already started working when she found out Zola had a fever. Her patient had reminded her of Lexie. The girl's name had been Melissa. When Callie brought Zola to her, Melissa was crashing. Meredith did not trust the new interns to save her, she had to do it herself.

No, this was not the same. That day Meredith couldn't be with Zola because she had to do her job and save her patient. This time, she didn't have a specific patient that needed saving.

She just needed a day at home with her babies.

Bailey had fallen asleep at her breast. She was so glad the Tylenol was working. It meant they could both get a few more hours of sleep.

As Meredith lay back down in her bed, she thought about how excited Zola would be to stay home all day with her.

Suddenly, she got an idea. Something she and Zola could do together, for lunch. Something that had a very low risk of turning into a disaster like their pasta dinner.

She went back to sleep feeling proud of her perfect idea. Zola would absolutely love it.

A few hours later, Meredith woke up to silence. It was rare that she woke to silence—usually there was a child crying, or two. Or Derek in the kitchen, though he tried his best to keep the house quiet if his wife was still sleeping. Or an alarm clock. If one of the babies did not wake her, the alarm clock would. Waking to silence was unheard of. Most people prefer waking to silence instead of noise. But in a house with small children, the silence made Meredith feel slightly uneasy. She was also a little annoyed that her body had woken her before her children. She always felt sleep deprived these days.

Actually, she had been sleep deprived for several years. Especially since the beginning of her residency, almost seven years ago.

It was seven in the morning. Zola would be up very soon, if she wasn't already. Meredith was a bit concerned that Bailey was still sleeping. She had hoped he would wake up feeling all better, though she knew that was unlikely to happen overnight.

Meredith checked Bailey's vital signs—his temperature, heart rate and respiratory rate. Well, three vital signs. In the hospital, blood pressure and oxygen saturation would also be checked as part of the morning routine. As crazy as it seemed, Meredith had seen too many things during the past seven years. She would not be able to relax unless she knew as much as she could about her baby boy's sickness.

Bailey's temperature was not as high as it had been, but he still had a fever. His heart rate and breathing were good. Meredith could call the pediatrician's office in one hour when they opened.

Meredith left Bailey sleeping in his bassinet and went to check on Zola. She walked into her little girls' room to find Zola playing with her stuffed animals on her bed.

"Mama! Morning!"

"Good morning ZoZo. I thought you were still asleep!"

"No mama, I awake. But daddy told me to play in my room after I wake up, so's you can sleep longer"

Meredith could hardly believe Derek. He had made sure Zola was a good helper, and had encouraged Zola to let her sleep in. She didn't need this kind of special treatment. She could handle things without Derek making sure everything was in order. But, she did love him for everything he did. He definitely had gone all out to make sure things were as easy as possible for her.

"That was so nice of you Zo. Guess what? I have a surprise for you."

"Surprise? Baby?"

Meredith paused before she could answer. When they told Zola that she was going to be a big sister, they had said they had a surprise for her. But, Meredith and Derek had definitely surprised Zola since then. Why did she immediately think a baby was coming?

"No, no baby this time Zo. You, me and Bailey are going to stay home today"

Zola looked confused. Her parents had had days at home with her before, but usually it was planned. Today, Zola was expecting to go to daycare.

"No daycare?"

"Not today ZoZo, but tomorrow you will see your friends there. Today we're going to have fun at home, okay?"

"Yay!"

Meredith did not want to tell Zola about their lunch plans for two reasons. The first reason was that she would be so excited, she would probably want to eat lunch at breakfast time. The second reason was that Bailey's appointment, if he got one, might interfere with lunchtime. She didn't want Zola to be disappointed in case it didn't work out.

"Where's Bailey Mama?"

"He's sleeping Lovebug. Let's try not to wake him okay? He doesn't feel very good"

"That why he kept crying last night?"

"Yes, it is. Being sick makes a person sad, and since babies can't talk, they cry when they are sad, or when they need something."

"Okay. I don't want Bay to be sad!"

"I know, me too. That's why we have to let him sleep okay? People get better faster if they sleep a lot."

"Okay Mama…Daddy phone?"

"Daddy will talk to us later Zo. He had to get up really early this morning for work"

Meredith hoped Derek had woken up on time. He was up so late the night before, but she was glad he had stayed up with them. He wasn't McDreamy for nothing. He had an important meeting this morning, so he wouldn't be able to call them this morning. Meredith was very proud of her husband, although she did hope these visits to D.C. would be minimal. He had told her he would do his best to work long distance, so that he wouldn't need to be away too much. She hoped that his words were true. She was already exhausted after just 24 hours.

After calling the hospital and the daycare to let them know she and the children would not be coming in today, Meredith called the pediatrician. They fit Bailey in that morning at eleven, which was a relief. If they hadn't fit Bailey in today, Meredith would have taken him to the hospital to get Alex to look at him, or another one of her friends. If she did that, she risked getting pulled into a case. It was much better to visit the pediatrician.

Meredith and Derek really liked their pediatrician. Of course, they wouldn't have stayed with a doctor they didn't like, but their first choice had been a great fit for their family. Meredith intended to ask Dr. Patterson a couple questions about how to talk to Zola after what had happened the night before.

Soon, Bailey woke up crying. His fever had risen once again. Meredith gave him another dose of Tylenol, knowing it would likely wear off during the pediatrician appointment. It would be good for the doctor to see how Bailey was without the Tylenol. But Meredith was not looking forward to going out alone with the kids. She was especially not looking forward to having a screaming baby, and likely an upset toddler, at the doctor's office.

However, there wasn't anything to be done to change the situation. Bailey soon calmed down and the three of them enjoyed their breakfast. Meredith could hardly believe the difference—last night both kids were screaming. Now, they were both calmly having breakfast. Zola was her cheerful self, clearly excited to spend the day with her mommy.

Okay, Meredith thought, this isn't so bad. I can do this. One day down, two to go.


End file.
